“The healing from above”

” I never knew you, I never saw you coming. I just felt you, I thought you where going to be the death of me. You were like a virus in my mind, against my happiness, against my confidence, you swallowed me, the only person who knew me better. you lost me, I became a foreigner in my own body, in my own thoughts. You took away my will, my assertiveness, you filled me with fear, doubt and left me timid. I looked down upon my own ability, I became unreliable to my self, a complete stranger I became to my self. Shame on you DEPRESSION!!

At first I thought maybe it was mood swings, I thought maybe It was the stages of growing up. I was slowly detaching from my friends, wasn’t enjoying the activities I used to love. I was a socialite before, but slowly I started hating the company of others, I was dull, always trying to hide from people. I thought people could see through my pain. I felt incompetent and thought little of my self. I did not see my self as someone who deserve the best things in life. Became very insecure, felt ugly and literally saw my self as ugly. 

It was the power of depression, it had taken away all my power. I did not see hope, only in alcohol and drugs. I felt better and happier when I was either drunk or high on drugs. Sober always revealed my worst enemy (my self). Everyone thought I was fine I guess, because nobody ever asked if I was ok or mention my change of behavior. Little did I know that with alcohol and drugs I was just de-creasing my chances of regaining my self back. There where times when I missed being sober because I was always running away from my self by taking more drugs. Well, my peers used to think I was cool, little did dey know I was avoiding my self. 

As for catching feelings? Didn’t take time. Every little fight would get me worked up for weeks and weaken me completely. I Used to be angry over nothing. Crying was like my daily bread, crying over what? I dnt know. I couldn’t keep anyone over an intimate relationship for too long, before the relationship start it would’ve ended because of fear, insecurities, anger, nagging and emotional withdrawal. Sometimes being alone felt better but not for too long because loneliness would come knocking on my mind. I felt like the number one confused person in the whole world. I blamed everything and everyone for my sadness, I would blame school, my job, the environment I was in, the company I used to keep, even the accommodation I used to stay at. 

Nothing could satisfy me and no one was good enough, I wasn’t good enough. I had lost my sense of self and I had forgotten how it feels to love my self let alone respect my self. I had given up on my self, started seeking attention in wrong ways and in wrong people. However, Despite how much I had given my self to the world, seeking for what I could not find. God had not forgotten me, let alone give up on me. 

If there is anyone who gave me, back to me, it has to be God. He gave me what nobody else has ever given me. If there is anyone who can restore a person’s life it can only be God because complete healing comes from him. When I was down and out he pulled me bak to him and restored me slowly but surely. The process was quite long, there were days I felt like I was relapsing little did I know God was draining the pain away. It didn’t take a day, a week nor a month but years of God at work In my life. When a porter molds his clay, he does it slowly so that the final product may be perfect. Little did I know he was perfectuating me. 

I persisted in prayer day in and out, fasting and hardly feeling any progress but eventually it all payed off. All in good time everything came together. The peace of God which surpasses all human understanding filled my heart and finally I can confidently say all things work together for good for those that trust in the Lord. It is never to late to start crying out for his special grace of healing because complete healing comes from the Lord. If anyone can break and bind it has to be God. No illness is greater than his grace.

All in good times..

Ecc 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

Indeed, for each and everyone of us there is a time for every activity to take place. For each and every individual there is a time set apart for the purposes of God to take place. Unfortunately, as human beings we tend to get frustrated when our plans do not unfold as we’ve planed. 

Since most of us are taught to plan for the future, plan when we are going to complete our degrees, when we are going to start work, when we are going to buy cars and even plan when we are going to get married. We assume that all will work out as we’ve planned. Until we find ourselves unemployed after finishing our degrees on time, struggling to start a business or struggling to get a life partner. Then we start assuming that maybe our lives are doomed, we start comparing our lives with those of our peers. 

We start asking questions like “why me?”,  and assume that maybe we are not good enough or not meant to have good things. Eventually we start to invite the very same bad luck into our lives. Things turn our for the worst because of the self fulfilling prophecy. We start pertying our selfs and everything is about us and never about God. Little do we know that no matter how much we plan as people, at the end it’s God’s will that prevails. We hardly keep in mind as people that when God is blessing others with jobs he is blessing others with houses, when his blessing others with life partners his busy blessing others with emotional healing, peace, spiritual growth etc..

God cannot be blessing all of us with the same thing at the same time. Instead he knows what we need at a certain time and he provides us with it. He knows that as much as we need jobs we need peace even more. God knows each and everyone of us and he will never provide what we need at a wrong time. He is the God of time and because we’ve all been called for different purposes, he will provide according to how he has called us not according to how we want things to be done. Patience and persistence in prayer will keep us at peace with with God as we wait for his will to be done in our lives.